by Julian Schultz
julian@oxfordwineroom.com

                     
Jim Nicas, Castle’s sommelier/maitre d’: “Julian, meet Rags and Tatters Malone; they are first timers at our monthly Sunday afternoon wine seminars. I am pouring 17 wines, predominantly oldies and goodies. I told them you would advise them of the procedure we follow…so please make them comfortable and welcome.”

I recognized Tatters immediately: She had been a charter member of my Worcester Wine Society back in the ‘80s for one year. Her wedding was held at one of our society wine meetings…to a lanky, skinny guy who fidgeted nervously out of place.

Rags, now a husky six-plus footer, said morosely that he was “bouncer an’ good ol’ boy ‘cool-it-Buster!’ enforcer at Beefy Benny’s Millb’ry Street liquor and beef bar: I knock their heads or throw the bums out for swearin’, fightin’ an’ kickin’.” He added that attending “la-de-da wine tastings here an’ the way people hold their wine glasses funny like” was not his thing.

He was apprehensive – constantly looking over his shoulder – fearful, he groaned, that his Benny’s boisterous beer belly brothers might learn of his presence here.

“So why are you here?” I said. I noted Tatters was grimly attentive to his remarks.

Unaware of Tatters interest in our discussion, he said, “The terrible ‘T’ here – me and her -- have a knock down, drop dead, drag out argament over a boozed-out blonde broad I escorted out of Benny’s: She thought it shouldn’ a taken me a half-hour to get back from the paakin’ lot.”

Tatters interjected: “I don’t tolerate hanky-panky play from my husband; despite he said it can be an ‘occupational hazard’ and hanky-panky is only in the ‘eye of the beholder.’ Occupational hazard my foot! In the eye of the beholder my ass!”

Rags: “So she throw me outta’ the sack, make me sleep on the cold haad floor – an’ it was for six f……’ days, like until today. We – me an’ her – make peace only because I agree to come here to open me up, like she say, to ‘the refinement of sipping wine in genteel company, away from the belly busting slam-bam beer bar environment.’ She even say she will arrange for a tutor to learn me manners an’ grammar…an’ diction, whatever that is.”

Again he looked nervously over his shoulder: “What if Mike the mallet, Jimbo the jimmy, Pete the pistol, Hank the harpoon or Nuttsy the knife should see me now?...Well, but anyway, if the afternoon all go well here, I should be sleepin’ back in the sack an’ ridin’ tall in the saddle again – and heigh-ho Silva…away!”

Tatters, addressing me: “Jim said you could help us. I don’t need help, but this barbaric bozo here (pointing to Rags) needs wine connoisseur refinement, and then maybe he could graduate from associating with the beer buddy buffoons at Benny’s Beer Bar and get a wine waiter job at a restaurant -- like the Castle. In short, can you do it Julian?” She fluttered her eyes, shook her titties, shimmied her ass…and I nodded an open-mouthed yes.

I added, his education would require more than one tasting and they should plan to attend the next tasting on April 29.

Jim announced to the 29 palateers that he was about to pour. I told Rags to stick to me like glue, to give totally serious attention to my words. Tatters grimly reminded him that if he didn’t…there was still the cold hard floor and that it would be longer than for six days. Rags grumbled agreement, saying he still ached from sleeping six days on the f……’ floor.

I eagerly anticipated Jim’s “oldies and goodies”:

Although I tend to drink wines within four or five years of the vintage to catch the ripe fruit aromas and flavors, it is fascinating to see how they develop with some age:

They become more spicy, more earthy and leathery and less fruited; they gain in complexity and elegance. Are they better wines with age? No, just different.

First poured wine: Chardonnay 1999 ‘Adelaide Hills” from Penfold, Australia, $23, to which I gave 2 stars on a scale of 5, quality/price value (QPV) 95/100 – not worth the price, but drinkable. I missed the chardonnay’s grass, oak spice, lemon, citrus, green pepper, butterscotch that I expect to dance and linger on the palate.

Jim next poured a 1998 Meursault “Les Cras,” a Premier Cru white wine from Burgundy, $29, from Darnat shipper, a sad old Burgundy that I identified with my minor-key personality, so I liked it. I rated it 3½ stars over 5; but because of its $29 price, 100/100 QPV.

I beckoned to Rags to observe my activity with the wine: I sighted to determine its hue and the clarity; I swirled to raise its esters in the wine to enhance the aromas; I sniffed to bring its aromas into my nostrils and the retro-nasal passages; I savored to bring the aromas from the retro-nasal passages –now converted to taste -- to my mouth: sweet at the tip of the tongue, salt/acids at the sides, integrated impression on middle – and in red wines -- tannin at the back. I discussed balance and aftertaste.

“That’s all there is, Rags.” I said. “Do you understand now?” He looked at me glazed-eyed and open-mouthed…uncomprehending.

The 1998 Meursault: “rich in sensations; simultaneously opulent, subtle and delicate. It will mature slowly and will reach luscious complexity between five to eight years. Note its pronounced mineral character, but also its fatty, buttery, fruity, woody aromas and an aftertaste of roasted almonds.

“As it ages, the intensity of aromas and perfumes will continue to develop and its smoothness will become still more accentuated.”

As he followed my words, Rags face became ghastly, his breathing labored. With a sick smile he said facetiously, “Where’s the john? I’m about to puke.”

Tatters observed Rags’ incomprehension and distress; she said he didn’t understand my “highfalutin’ words” and said to give my instruction to her – that she could better communicate with him.

I said that I taught wine appreciation courses for many years and that Rags eventually would understand and absorb my comments – not to surrender…“I guarantee it!”

I said Rags should learn these seven “S” requirements and he would take a giant step towards joining the wine elite: SIGHT, SWIRL, SNIFF, SIP, SAVOR, SWALLOW (or SPIT) and SPEAK.

For starters, I said, “Never clutch – never choke – the wine glass by the bowl. Hold it gracefully by the stem, pinky finger extended. Here is why: Grabbing the glass by the bowl warms a properly chilled white wine and with the reds conceals its exquisite robe. Some supercilious sommeliers won’t pour to barbarians who clasp their wine glasses by the bowl…like klutzes….Get the picture?”

“Listening to you,” he groaned, “I get a headache. I don’t know what the f… you are talking about!...Tatters, I wanna get my ass outta here!”

Tatters: “No way, Jose! It’s now…never…or the cold hard floor. Take your pick.” Rags grimaced and beckoned for me to continue.

“Let’s explore SIGHT. I remember saying a Chardonnay was like a nymph’s bare thigh flashing in the meadow sans underpants. An irate listener threw a bagel with cream cheese and salty lox at me. I removed the lox and ate the bagel.

“Why did I remove the lox? Answer: Salty food is enemy to wine…exception may be a dry Brut Champagne. Other enemies of wine are garlic, vinegar, cranberries, pickles, chocolate, ice cream, acidic citrus, pungent herbs and spices: These foods should be used v-e-r-y sparingly with wine, if at all.”

Rags: “Tatters, lemme get my ass outta here! I don’t know if he is talkin’ about eatin’ or drinkin’.”

Tatters ignored him and nodded for me to continue. “When SIGHTING hold your glass to the light or against a white background. Wine should be clear, clean and bright. Avoid sipping murky, dull wines; they may be spoiled. The wine should shine brilliantly like twinkling white stars in the night’s dark sky, or it may glow like the sparkle in a true love’s seductive eyes.”

Rags: “That does it!! I’m off to the john to puke now.” He rushed off; returned five minutes later, his face pale, his eyes glazed, his lips curled down in despair. He looked inquiringly at Tatters, his eyes begging…please, lemme out of here!

Ignoring him, Tatters asked about legs. “Legs are a by-product of alcohol. They may be swift or slow, moving downward inside the glass. They may be thick or thin; they determine viscosity – texture, mouth feel but add little to the flavor.…After Jim pours more wines to us I will discuss SWIRL, SNIFF and SAVOR.”

(Prices shown are what Jim paid when he bought the wines for the Castle cellar shortly after they were released. Today’s prices may be higher.)

* Gewurztraminer 1998 Zind Humbrecht, France/Alsace, $29: Complex varied sweet/spicy nose and flavors; nice wine, although I am not a Gewurz devotee; 3 stars, QPV 100/100.
* Volnay 1983, Pierre Ponnelle, France, $25: yawning behind its hand in boredom; slight musty nose, very mature, color shows age; once a Grande Dame of pedigree, elegance, nobility and finesse; now bereft of its aromas and flavors of berries and violets; reveals tastes of truffles, forest vegetation and animal scents. Yes, interesting and drinkable. 2 stars, QPV 90/100.
* Chassagne-Montrachet 1997 “Les Voillenots Dessous,” Burgundy, $23: This is a good one, although short in aftertaste; assertive, complex, on nose and palate. For every good Burgundy you must endure five bottles of indifferent ones. 3 stars, QPV 100/100.
* Crozes Hermitage 1997, Chapoutier, Rhone, $18: soft nose, vivid vinous flavors, lush texture, flashy appeal. 3 stars, QPV 115/100.
* Rioja “Reserva” 1998, Montecillo, Spain, $23: complex nose and mouthfilling, strong, balanced, smooth swallow; aged three years in oak and bottle. 3½ stars, QPV 125/100.
* Chateau Saint Supplice 2004, Bordeaux, $13: Sensational! Loaded with varied fruit flavors, great balance, smooth swallow, forever aftertaste. I wondered when I would again enjoy such magnificence in the bottle. 4½ stars, QPV 175/100.
* Chateau Lasseque 2003, $49. 4 stars; because of its price QPV 100/100; but at $25, QPV 125/100.
* Chateau Boussan 1996, Haut Medoc, $12: slight alien nose, slightly sharp, fruit somewhat muted; drinkable but not loveable. 2 stars. QPV 100/100.
* Chateau Marbuzet 2001, Saint Estephe, $37: big nose, big mouthful of flavor, smooth, persistent, filled with delight and excitement, profound, awe-inspiring. 4 stars; because of its $37 price, QPV 115/100.

Tatters intermittently raided the hors d’oeuvres table, returning with delectable “cold” goodies: strawberries, red and green grapes, orange slices, cantaloupe, melon, plums, apples, Muenster, Cheddar and blue cheese; “hot” goodies: crab cakes, lamb kabobs and spinach/feta cheese pitas; Norwegian multi-grain crisp crackers, toasted bread rounds and baguettes completed the hors d’oeuvres table.

Rags was laboring with the Marbuzet when Tatters stuffed one each of the hot hors d’oeuvres into his mouth. After sipping and eating -- one, sipping and eating -- two, sipping and eating -- three, Rags exclaimed: “Geez, this wine ain’t so bad with this food!”

Addressing Jim, he extended his wine glass: “Hey, Bozo, gimme another splash a this wine. Gaad damn it if it ain’t OK –for damn sure!”

* Chateau Tour Blanchet 1999, Saint Estephe, $23: plum fruit in nose and on palate, smooth, balanced, lingering. 3½ stars. QPV 125/100.
* Chateau Magnol 1993, Haut Medoc, $18: pale color shows age, deep berry nose, complex with hints of raspberry; round, smooth, balanced, moderately long. 4 stars, QPV 135/100.
* Chateau Prieure Lichine 1981, Margaux, $NA: Perfection! Bordeaux at its best; still delivers mature fruit in its complexity; balanced, lingering; after tasting a wine like this, what else is there to live for? 5 stars quality.
* Chateau de Sales 1983, Pomerol, $NA: mature fruit, soft, smooth, short finish, deliciously drinkable; yes, the fruit of youth is fun, but the bouquet of age is grand. 4 stars quality.
* Zinfandel “Reserve” 1998, Lolonis, California, $19: Spectacular! Sensational! A big plum pudding with road tar sauce; grand, ponderous, deeply scented; a fruit salad wine; crisp, attractive, dripping with fruit. 5 stars, QPV 150/100.
* Cabernet Sauvignon 1998, Victor Hugo, California, $15: a first tier cab; loaded with all desirable attributes; bursting with flavor, filled with delight and excitement; generous fruit just reaches out and grabs you, doesn’t know when to let go. 5 stars, QPV 150/100.

Rags, sipping from wine glasses in each hand: “Hey, Tatters, remind me to come here for the April 29 tasting, an’ the beer bums at Benny’s bar can kiss my ass!”

Wine Pick: Sebeka! Fix the name in memory; open the wallet/purse and buy as quickly as you can: The around $8 price won’t last!!! Too much quality here for so low an introductory price.

These wines made their debut at the Boston Wine Expo and received rave reviews. E.&J. Gallo is importer and marketer of these South African wines. Commonwealth Wines & Spirits is the distributor.

Shiraz Pinotage, Cabernet Pinotage, Shiraz, Chardonnay and Sauvignon Blanc: All fruit loaded with balancing spice; smooth finish and lingering aftertaste. Superb!

    

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