by Julian Schultz
julian@oxfordwineroom.com

                     
Accusingly: “You’re Julian Schultz -- the homer! -- and I am Wendy Wilson, denigrated by nincompoops as ‘Windy Wendy, the vile vitriolic vehement wicked witch of the tabloids.’ ”

“Whoa!” Innocent me, I was taken aback by her onslaught. “I’m not a ‘homer.’ The only ‘homers’ I am aware of come from Ortiz and Ramirez of the Boston Red Sox. So what is a ‘windy vile vitriolic vehement wicked witch of the tabloids’ doing here…and why pick on me?”

Grimly: “I’m here to ascertain whether the Webster House Restaurant wine dinners I read about on the website www.oxfordwineroom.com merit your consistent hype as one of the best wine dinner venues in the…in the whole goddamn human universe! I’m a restaurant critic for a popular New England tabloid and I am here to puncture a hole in your inflated balloon… to empty the hot air from your tumid odes and turgid stanzas.”

“Please spare me the literary allusions applicable to some English authors! …Ah, yes, now I know who you are. Your reputation as ‘Attila the Hen of Journalism’ accurately defines you,” I said. “Your preconceived bias is most disconcerting. Why not wait until you have sipped the seven Kenwood wines and tasted the six food courses?”

Huffily: “I am unbiased journalist, Mr. Julian Schultz, but I advise you: I taste with a hyper-critical palate: Such times as I encounter dining positives, I do forthrightly deign to mention them; and, yes, I triumphantly resort to- and report nasty negatives when they assail my sensitive palate. But I am here to determine whether these spectacular wine dinners you write about on the website are reality, exaggeration or fantasy.”

“With all due respect, Ms. Wilson, your attitude reminds me of Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered. I guarantee you won’t experience Caesar’s conquering triumph here at the Webster House. You have come, you will taste, but your hyper-critical evaluation will not conquer…And I expect you’ll report about this wine dinner honestly in your restaurant column.”

She nodded agreement, saying that, if warranted, she would admit her prejudice and seek out a “cawing, crackling crow to chew upon.”

I invited her to join our table. She disdainfully declined, saying she preferred to maintain her “pristine objectivity unsullied” -- not to be influenced by biased me.

The dinner embraced not only the seven pedigree Kenwood Sonoma wines but also California fruits and vegetables that were combined in a most unusual, innovative and delectable way with seafood and meat: Figs, almonds, plums, apples, bok choy -- a Chinese variety of cabbage, orange segments, and kumquat marmalade…all added an imaginative expanded dimension to the novel preparation and presentation of the courses.

Surely, Wendy would be impressed. I noted she studied the menu – first with raised eyebrows of surprise; then nodded, impressed, with solemn pursed lips. She moved from a table of eight chattering palateers to the remote end of the one small quiet table for six that had only four guests.

Pen in hand, she began scribbling as she tasted the reception food of dried plums with honey and subtle black pepper on toasted baguettes sprinkled with blue cheese; she sipped welcoming wines of Sauvignon Blanc 2005, $10.99, and Pinot Noir Rosé 2005, $10.99, alternating sips of each with the complex flavored baguettes. I noted, although solemn, she hustled continuously to the food and wine stations and ate and sipped away with incessant mouthfilling rapidity…So far, so good?

My notes on the baguettes – the plums, honey, pepper, blue cheese and the wines: “can’t refrain from savagely attacking interplay of baguette’s varied sweet/tart flavors – irresistible to forgo my craving for more, which I am avidly satisfying with baguettes clutched covetously in both hands.

“Of the two wines, I prefer the accompanying Sauvignon Blanc’s fresh, crisp, zippy, vibrant, subtle passion fruit/lime style; very dry. Excellent value at O’Hara’s $10.99 discount price.” All wines here reflect O’Hara’s generous discount price.

Five styles of Sauvignon Blanc:

Grassy/herbal is by far the most common and easiest to identify. Added descriptors – not all of them positive – weedy, green apple, green bean, asparagus, cat urine, flinty, stemmy, straw, hay, tarragon, rosemary, oregano.

Melony is the second most popular style, offering aromas and flavors of cantaloupe, melon, pear, citrus, lemon and fig; less assertive, more neutral than the grassy/herbal style.

Graves (an area of Bordeaux) departs from the grassy/herbal, melony/fruited styles; shows earthy, dusty, smoky flavors favored by aficionados of gutsier white wines.

Barrel/fermented oaky. My “poor man’s chardonnay”; has oak aromas and flavors deriving from fermentation and aging in barrels, unlike the aforementioned sauvignon blancs; offering instead tastes of wood, toast, nuts, butter, butterscotch, apple, vanilla.

Slightly sweet/no oak style contains accents of residual sugar reminiscent of tropical fruit, banana, pineapple, musk; has little or no oak aging; fruited flavors are balanced by tartness.

I can’t determine which of these styles define the Kenwood. Most tasters have difficulty classifying sauvignon blancs according to style, inasmuch as each wine frequently shows elements of other styles. This was indeed true at this dinner, where I overheard descriptors applicable to the multiple styles.

Pinot Noir Rosé: “dry, crisp, pomegranate, strawberry jam, kiss of oak, medium-body, smooth tannins, fresh lingering flavor. Far superior to most candied, sweet-edged, soda pop rosés.”

Benignly, I approached Wendy and casually asked her -- well, what did she think?

Disdainfully: “What!...Do you expect me to write your column for you? No cotton pickin’ way, José!” Like an umpire decisively ejecting a batter for vociferously protesting a called third strike, she thumbed me back to my table.

Before I left, I said, “No cotton pickin’ way, Ms. Witch, would I have you write for me! I loathe your slash-cut-and-disembowel writing style. You seem to experience a print-screaming orgasmic rapture in triumphantly exploiting the negatives in your columns. I forbear: I emphasize the positives, minimize the negatives; I refuse to occupy the scorner’s seat and hurl the cynic’s ban. I seek only the good in everything to report. I prefer to discuss dining shortcomings with the owner or the chef.”

Fire flamed from her eyes: “You pompous ass! You goody-two-shoes! Please haul your skinny ass back to where you came from!”

I hauled my skinny ass back to mine host, Chris Liazos, and warned him of Wendy. Fright paled his face and he implored me to return later to Wendy…to ascertain her impression of the dinner. I reluctantly agreed, but I feared that the more she saw of me the more likely she would skewer me in her column…and with a homely unflattering picture of me yet.

First course: Seared Scallops, mixed salad greens with orange segments on toasted slivered almonds, topped with balsamic vinaigrette, accompanied by Chardonnay 2005, $10.99. Perfection!

My notes: “superb interplay of sweet/sour delicious flavors of the shellfish with orange segments, toasted almonds, varied salad greens and balsamic vinaigrette. The Kenwood is squarely on target with the scallops and squarely on target with my palate and purse.”…So I bought three bottles. Taste green apples, pears, tropical fruit, buttery/toasty oak, smooth viscosity; crisp, lingering finish. Great price quality value!

Second course: Baked Halibut with cilantro/nut sauce on couscous with candied sliced red onions. Zinfandel 2004, $10.99, was proud escort. Superb pairing of red wine with fish, cilantro herb, citrus couscous, candied red onions. Enough balancing elements present that the fish/red wine pairing was noticeably thumbs up among the 54 guests.

My notes on the Zinfandel: “As fine a zin as I have ever tasted! I bought six…the $10.99 price is a 200/100 price value bargain. Full-bodied with rich flavors of raspberries, blackberries, cherries, toasty vanilla oak; sweet and peppery tart, soft tannins and balancing spice equation. Blended with Petite Sirah; a 14.8 percent alcohol biggie with smooth, elegant finish.”

Third course: Stir Fry Chicken with California figs, sliced apples, sliced cashews, sliced carrots, bok choy (the Chinese cabbage variation) – all in a light delicious complex oriental sauce – was paired to Pinot Noir 2004, $14.39. Exceptional chicken presentation with layered flavors from its varied accompaniments; tender moist texture; delicious…and delicious…and delicious.

Pinot Noir: “intense aromas and flavors of cherries, plums, black raspberries, subtle added rose petals and varied spices; perfect lush fruit/fruit acid balance; rich, full-bodied smooth texture, smooth long finish.”

No, not your stratospheric-priced Burgundy Pinot Noir; but priced at just over $14, it is a rewarding purchase for oenophiles who revel in complex fruit and perfect acid, tannin and texture balance.

Grand entrée: Pepper Crusted Beef Tenderloin with kumquat marmalade on a nest of duchess potato with crisp snap green beans. Alas, for me of fussy, nervous palate: The pepper crust on the medium-rare, tender, fork-cutting tender tenderloin waged war on the beef’s flavor and the two accompanying red wines…and for me and some others the pepper crust won the war.

But this opinion was of the minority. Others with whom I spoke said the kumquat marmalade was sweet enough to mute the brushfire from the black pepper and that after a few sips of each macho masculine red wine the dish’s pepper crust heat was reduced.

The wines: Merlot 2003, $10.99, has cabernet sauvignon and cabernet franc in the blend. Fruit aromas are followed by flavors of black currants and figs, enhanced by nutmeg and vanilla from almost two years oak aging. Great pairing with the beef; a price value bargain. I bought three.

Cabernet Sauvignon 2003, $11.99, has merlot and cabernet franc in the blend. Complex rich, fruity flavors of cherries and plums are followed by hints of nutmeg and cigar box. I heard “raspberry truffles” – whatever they are – from an adjacent table. Super wine, great value; enjoy it now or lay it down to improve with bottle age. I have many cabs in my cellar, so with regret I passed on its purchase.

Chris, anxious and pale, with Chef John Hammerstrom, anxious and sweating in tow: “Well, please, Julian; find out what the witch thinks of the dinner, so far.”

I decided to apply the sure-fire successful approach of my indiscreet youth when I wooed the maidens fair: swaggering over to her with cavalier élan and jaunty panache, I purred, “Please, lovely one, permit the sparkle of your eyes to glow upon me that I may bask in the splendor of their beauty…And how dost thou savor this magnificent dinner and these memorable wines? Are they to your liking?”

Without raising her head from scraping up the tenderloin to her mouth from her nearly empty plate: “Drop dead and turn blue! Go to hell, buffoon, no balls jerk!”

“Yes, Wendy,” I said, “You indeed do justice to your well-deserved name and reputation. If anything, they are understated.”

“Neanderthal! Caveman! Slimy ooze from the ocean!”

My report to Chris and John left them shaking and trembling. John’s knees were clacking so hard that they sounded like the Habanera castanets in Bizet’s opera Carmen.

Dessert: Helena Liazos knows when to apply the “airy touch”: fresh sweet berry and creamy lemon custard tart in feather light phyllo. Light… delicate…and delicious; a delight and doom for determined dieters – like me. Irresistible! I asked for seconds; no luck: Chris knows I blame him when I gain a pound or two after his wine dinners.

At dinner’s end as she was leaving, Wendy, with an exaggerated boom-boom bounce and a zig-zag flounce of her hips – I guess her lady-like way of mooning me – looked, sneering, disdainfully back at me as she departed.

My retired physician friend, Dr. Bob Ouellette, told me that Wendy had spoken to him and said, “I won’t give that insufferable Julian Schultz the satisfaction – but this wine dinner was a glorious, glamorous, unforgettable event – not just a wine dinner, mind you – but an event, a Lucullian and Bacchanalian dining event, and that…that is how I shall report it…that my ecstasy had runneth over!”

My report to Chris and John evoked exuberant high-fives with each other and with me.

Many regular attendees at these wine dinners agreed that it was one of the best yet in the five years Chris has presented them.

Patti Thomas and Ann Robert, again, served the 54 of us with lightning quick, ever smiling charm and efficiency. They, along with Chefs John Hammerstrom and Jason LeBlanc, received applause and congratulations of adding pleasure to our dining evening.

Clive McFarlane, popular columnist at the Telegram & Gazette, occupied a seat at our table. He is a charming guy with a quick wit and a ready smile. He had Dr. Bob Ouellette at his elbow who discussed the finer points of wine and food pairing.


Wine Pick: Dry Creek Russian River Valley Chardonnay 2005, around $20. Lavish aromas of peach, apricot, pear and toasted almonds; added spice and hazelnut after aeration in the glass; palate: visiting aromas become flavors; crisp acidity, subtle oak nuances; long, lingering swallow with added vanilla and cream add finesse and elegance. A best buy.

Genesis by Hogue, Columbia Valley, Riesling, any vintage, around $15. Rich, crisp, aromas and flavors of orange, grapefruit zest, peach, zesty pineapple; racy acidity and moderate sweetness result in a perfectly balanced wine magnificently piquing the palate with lingering sweet-edged and tart swallow. Deliciously delightful. Just an out-and-out enjoyable wine to pair with spice-seasoned chicken breast as I did.


    

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julian@oxfordwineroom.com