by Julian Schultz
julian@oxfordwineroom.com

                     

Castle's renowned sommelier/maitre d', Jim Nicas, and I gaped in astonishment as we watched "One Sip" Simian quick sip and fast dispatch each of the 15 pedigree California 2001 Cabernet Sauvignons at the recent Castle Sunday afternoon monthly wine tasting. Worse yet, he thumped his chest...three times, four or five.

"This guy must think he's Tarzan," I said to Jim. "He is amusing, but maybe a nut case."

Jim called him over: "Excuse me, my friend, but your tasting decorum is not only upsetting to other seriously sniffing, sipping, savoring oenophiles, but you seem to imitate - if you will excuse me - primates in the bush...with your chest thumping. Oblige me, please, if you will, and explain."

Jim's studied courtesy was tight-lipped-grim; controlled, as are his monthly wine tastings - fun with education, fun with discipline, fun with camaraderie and fun with delectable hors d'oeuvres varieties.

"Oh, in my Southboro tasting circles I am hailed by the sobriquet, 'One Sip Simian,' and no one seems to be discombobulated by my unorthodox, charismatic tasting shtick."

I said, "I can't quite reconcile your name, Simian, with your anthropoid behavior - too realistic. During your moments with the chest thumpings you indeed resemble a simian - you know the little furry guy with the big tail attached to the top of his ass that swings from the trees."

Simian clapped his hands gleefully and laughed loudly: "My parents are anthropologists, which accounts from my perceived somewhat embarrassing name," he said.

Baffling to me was Simian's sipping shtick: first a sniff, a snort, then a sip, followed by a gurgle, a gargle, some chewing, and finally a hasty glass-draining one half-ounce swallow. He sniffed the empty glass, pounded his chest with both fists, and rushed to a table to scribble tasting notes.

"What's with the cockamamie sipping routine?' I asked. "You're expected to take little sips between sighting, swirling and sniffing. Your aberrant behavior violates wine tasting decorum, which will upset our wine taster fundamentalists."

"Oh, come off it, Mr. Schultz. Your pompous attitude promotes the wine snob label and turns off would-be wine enthusiasts. I taste wine the way my parents taught me, beginning at my age of seven, even before we returned home here from the darkest and deepest jungles of Africa...where if my wine savvy, spear wielding native pals overheard you now they would boil you to medium-rare tender in a steaming kettle."

"So...are you aping King Kong and Mighty Joe Young's wine-guzzling procedure taught to them...presumably by your parents?" My sarcasm was not lost on Simian.

"Well, you aren't so smart," he said. "My parents did teach anthropoids to approach wine that way. And, yes, my perplexed, mouth-gaping, prissy wine devotee --- anthropoids are more intelligent than many humans; they never get ferschnuzzled, as do so many of your coveted and venerated traditionalist friends."

I asked Simian to define "ferschnuzzled."

Curtly: "Drunk!" He turned away, sniffed his empty glass before Jim poured, sniffed after the pour, and sniffed his empty glass again after his quick swallow. He rinsed his glass and sniffed the empty glass once more before the next pour.

Jim threw his arms up, shook his head, a wide grin, a benign chuckle, and he resumed pouring to other guests.

"Well, what's your evaluation of this Murphy Goode? I asked Simian with bated breath anticipation. I could hardly wait. After all, when do we get to hear a wine analysis with anthropoid insight? Simian bent over his notes, straightened, and beat his chest four times with his fists.

"Wha...tell me, what's with the measured chest thumpings? Just, specifically, what does that supposed to signify?"

"You have already noted that I rate wines by chest thumpings, the same as you and your purple prose pontificating pompous wine ilk do by using stars, flowers, bomb bursts, numerals, alphabets, cannon balls, bare behinds - whatever nonsense hits you at the moment.

"One thump means passably Ok, two is good, three is very good, four is excellent and five is superb for quality and price value. The Murphy Goode at $27 is a big bargain and merits my four thumps for excellence.

"I laud its excellence of a plumy nose that transfers to the palate; its lush fruit, fruit acids, soft tannin, smooth texture are exquisitely balanced. I repeat my rating now, demonstrating with four thumps."

Other tasters eyed Simian's behavior with incredulity, which discomfited him. "I will show only my three, four and five rated wines," he whispered.

For the record: I don't swallow the wines at wine tastings; after I sight, swirl and sniff, I savor the wine, then push it to the front of my mouth and spit it out, then I swallow dry.

The wines and approximate retail prices:

Murphy Goode $27: I agreed with Simian's evaluation and rated it 90 to 94 on a scale of 100; blend: 95 percent cab, 4 merlot, 1 petit verdot.

Beringer Knight's Valley $30: soft nose; currants, zesty acids, balanced tannins on the palate; pleasing wine that needs time; 85 to 89; 100 percent cab. Three and a half thumps from Simian - three with both fists and one with one fist. He explained: three two-fist thumps for quality, one-fist thump for price. I blinked, but carried on.

Dry Creek $24: No nose initially; palate: plum, currants subsurface - just too young to nearly approach its potential; 93 percent cab, 5 merlot, 2 cabernet franc; 80 to 84. Three thumps from Simian.

Conn Creek $31: soft nondescript nose; forward cherry/plum fruit; balanced with fruit acids and soft tannin; good wine, not great, should improve; 86 cab, 10 merlot, 4 malbec; 83 to 87. Three thumps.

Chateau Ste. Michelle $31: faint fruit nose; big mouth filling heavy plum/cherry fruit, firm tannin, black pepper; 100 percent cab; 84 to 88. Three and a half thumps.

Clos du Val $35: plumy, berry nose; much too young, then excellent and delicious when its raw rough fruit softened from aeration; whispers of spice, chocolate, cedar; 94 percent cab, 5 cabernet franc, 1 merlot; 88 to 92. Three and a half thumps.

Mt. Eden $38: sweet cassis/currants nose; palate big fruited with varied spice complexity, zesty complementing fruit acids, viscous texture; 75 percent cab, 22 merlot, 3 cabernet franc; 90 to 94. Four thumps.

Flora Springs $38: soft nose opened later; palate: big acidy currents fruit, assertive tannin; after my swirling the glass and five minutes later, a most charming and delicious lush-fruited wine; 84 percent cab, 10 merlot, 6 cabernet franc; 89 to 93. Four thumps.

Simian was into his bizarre routine when eye-popping Janis Ford arrived and greeted me. He immediately withdrew from the bewildered attention of other tasters and stood before her, waiting for an introduction.

His response to the introduction was absurd: When Janis extended her hand, he ignored it; instead he vigorously thumped his chest with both fists - I lost count after five times - exceeding superb. When he squatted, knuckles touching the floor, grunting and crouch-hopping ape-like around her, I was humiliated. I determined not to suffer any longer his exasperating one-sip bullet-speed swallowing and the ludicrousness that followed.

"What in hell is going on here with Janis?" I asked, not concealing my irritation. "What's with the thumping, knuckles-on-floor grunting and hopping up and down around her? You are ridiculous enough with the wines."

"Why, in the jungle that is how we paid obeisance to pulchritudinous femininity - like Miss Janis here," he answered with wide-eyed innocence. "The trouble with guys like you is that you lack the chivalry of anthropoids when you'd like to connect with a beautiful woman."

"Well, she's spoken for," I said, "and not only is her husband a cop...but she is one, also! And the only connection you'll make will be with the Worcester Bastille, and you may be connected with a few karate chops for good measure."

"Well, if she's a cop I'll let her catch me speeding around Worcester, and she can escort me to the Worcester Bastille by taking the scenic roundabout route that I will insist on."

That did it for me! I suggested we taste individually and I walked away, but I noted his evaluations of the wines as he "entertained" the 36 other bemused and perplexed tasters.

Burgess VS $36: soft nose; palate: big acidic, tannic fruit; peppery - could it have been from the spicy ginger duck rolls? 78 percent cab, 12 cabernet franc, 10 merlot; 80 to 84. Three thumps.

Iron Horse "T Bar" $41: plumy/minty nose; palate: cherry, blackberry fruit, fruit acid verve, soft tannin. 75 percent cab, 22 cabernet franc, 3 merlot; 86 to 90. Three and a half thumps.

Raymond "Reserve" $42: forthcoming plum nose; palate: perfection of all composition elements, cherry, berry, plum, smooth dry swallow, lingering aftertaste. 100 percent cabernet sauvignon; 92 to 96. Four thumps.

Schlumberger $45: faint nose; palate: big tarry, plumy, minty, hint of vanilla - other tasters determined chocolate, another insisted on cedar; nicely balanced, smooth swallow...and long aftertaste! I got a refill from Jim and - yes! - I swallowed. With deep concentration and expanded imagination, I agreed with everyone. 78 cabernet sauvignon, 12 cabernet franc, 10 merlot; 88 to 92. Four thumps.

Stone Street $41: blueberry whiff; palate: assertive but awkward hard fruit, difficult to fathom. After some minutes of swirling, it blossomed and billowed with mouthfilling fruit and balanced out beautifully. Surprise of the tasting: from dismay to delight! 95 percent cab, 21/2 cabernet franc, 21/2 merlot; 88 to 92. Four thumps.

Stag's Leap $49: blueberry/blackberry faint cedar nose transfers to palate with excellent integrated flavors; balanced acids and tannins, smooth swallow; delicious extended taste; 94 percent cab, 6 merlot; 88 to 92. Four and a half thumps. 

Jordan $60: emphatic cherries nose; palate: cherries, hints of leather, vanilla, chocolate, cedar, black pepper, spice; lean, austere, reserved, dignified, reminiscent of a Bordeaux; 80 percent cab, 15 merlot, 5 cabernet franc; needs five years aging for my 93 to 95 rating; 88 to 92 now. Four and a half and three one-fist thumps.

I asked Simian to explain. "Four and a half for quality; three one-fisters for price, otherwise it would be five enthusiastic thumps."

There was not a dud among the wines. After initial aeration many of the big, rough wines - 13.9-14.2 percent alcohol - blossomed and softened and their rich flavors emerged. With exception of quiet aromas from some wines, all were outstanding for flavor, fruit, texture, balance, finish and aftertaste; and their prices, notwithstanding, I recommend them wholeheartedly.

We heaped accolades on Jim Nicas for treating us to a consummate tasting of California Cabernet Sauvignons.

Hors d'oeuvres:

Cheese - Muenster, Cheddar, blue;

Fruits - apples, pears, strawberries, pineapple, cantaloupe, watermelon; red, green, purple grapes;

Breads - assorted crackers and toast rounds, hot baguettes, nuts and banana bread; figs, cranberries and nuts bread;

Hot hors d'oeuvres -- swordfish kabobs, ginger duck rolls, lamb kabobs, spinach/feta cheese pitas, cheese pitas.

All were available throughout the two-hour event.

I never seek to be amazed by Jim's wine selections, father Stanley's hors d'oeuvres, and the efficiency with which the tastings and large function wine dinners are orchestrated: the latter leisurely, but nevertheless accelerated; spirited conversation among the tasters, interspersed with wine education from Jim as he and wife Denise pour the wines or assist the waitstaff when serving at wine dinners.

These monthly Sunday tastings are unique, educational and pleasurable. Call 508-892-9090 for reservations. See the Castle's announcements coming wine events on the oxfordwineroom.com website.


Wine Pick: Montevina Barbera Terra D' Oro, any vintage! Around $18. Taste plums, cherries, hints of mint, complex herb and spice, cedar and oak toast; proper balance of fruit, fruit acids, tannin and texture. The price is "right." Buy and enjoy.

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julian@oxfordwineroom.com