by Julian Schultz
julian@oxfordwineroom.com

                     


"Oh hell and goddamn! She's here again with her burly surly caregiver. She'll 
be swooning all over the joint like the dying duck in the Swan Lake ballet and 
hopefully burly surly Sadie will be quick enough to catch her." Tempestuous Torchy 
The Trembler gritted her teeth, growled and grimaced her displeasure.

We were at the Webster House's March wine dinner, sipping the welcoming 
wine, Paringa White Single Vineyard 2004, from South Australia, $9.59, a blend of 
Chardonnay, Semillon and Sauvignon Blanc. Torchy and I were munching on firm 
goat cheese infused with wine, on mild cheddar cheese, on four crackers variety, 
and we were discussing the "must buy" Paringa at $9.59 when Torchy spied 
Fainting Phyl ravenously chewing away on the sliced red and yellow apples and on 
the green and red grapes. Sadie finger-measured to Classic Wines pourer, Jim 
Baxter, that he pour what appeared to be a miniscule quarter-ounce for her and 
about twice that much for Phyl.

A frowning Phyl hastily downed her insignificant portion and had Jim pour six 
times that amount, three ounces. Sadie admonished her to sip slowly and stay close 
by, should the exquisite flavors of the Paringa cause her "the vapors" from which 
she might go into a graceful swoon.

This is Phyl's affliction: When she tastes a wine that she finds, in her words, 
'ecstatically orgasmatic,' she is wont to gasp something like, "Oh, I am a taster in 
Paradise; wine flavors come and wine flavors go, but this wine's flavors are not so!" 
Should the vapors then overcome her, burly Sadie is ever alert to catch her. When 
she comes-to she expresses her evaluation of the wine with a seasoned 
connoisseur's insight.

Torchy grumbled that Phyl and Sadie were unneeded sideshows, that we 
didn't need distraction when dining on gourmet food and sipping pedigree wines. 
She asked with annoyance, why hadn't I brought my foam rubber egg-crate 
mattress, should Sadie fail to catch her?

I was chagrined that Webster House's Chris Liazos hadn't advised me that 
Phyl had reserved seats for her and Sadie, which we agreed he would do. Had he 
done so, I would have brought the mattress …the mattress of sad hallowed memory: 
When my beloved Lillian was deathly ill, I slept on it at the foot of her bed to be close 
to her should she cry out for help or need immediate medication for pain….

Notes on the Paringa: "flowery aromas of peach, melon, citrus transfer to 
palate; fresh, clean, assertive, balanced; lively finish, lingering aftertaste. Price value: 
125/100 at $9.59." (All prices shown reflect O'Hara's Discount Liquors 20- percent 
discount, announced at the wine dinner.)

Phyl staggered as she sipped; she opened her mouth to speak but didn't, and 
she didn't swoon; Sadie held her firmly by the elbow.

But a few minutes later, when I was discussing with Chris the next wine dinner 
date I heard Torchy startlingly call out, "Anchors aweigh; thar' she blows!" Phyl, 
swooning, was in Sadie's arms, being lowered to rest on Sadie's ample thighs.

Sadie, after assuring herself that Phyl was indeed in sweet slumber, sighed 
aloud that Phyl was a "nut case" and a royal pain in the "nether region," but "oh well, 
as Gertie Stein would say, 'a job is a job is a job' no matter how lousy it might be."

Phyl had been tasting Trevor Jones Boots White 2001, $12.79, a blend of 
unctuous luscious 65-percent Riesling and 35 Muscat, with the appetizer course of 
awesomely delicious tender, slightly smoky, meaty Aussie Shrimps on the Barbie 
that were served with delectable crunchy brown rice, sliced juicy orange and orange-
ginger dipping sauce. Yes, were I similarly afflicted with Phyl's disorder I, too, would 
have blacked out: the combination of flavors was just so overwhelming.

Notes on the Boots White: "Wow! What a wine! A Sauternes! A beerenauslese! 
Golden color; flowers, citrus, ginger, sweet spice aromas and flavors; balance 
piqued with zesty fruit acids; velvet swallow, forever aftertaste. Price value: 150/100."

When Phyl regained consciousness she said the wine was "a perfume of 
honeysuckle and jasmine and tasted of lime, citrus and impassioned passionate 
passion fruit."

As she voiced her evaluation of the wine her eyes rolled, her bosom heaved 
and again she staggered backward. Torchy steadied her, muttering to me that Phyl 
was indeed "off her rocker." 

When I didn't hesitate to pontificate my pleasure with the Boots White to all 
within earshot, Sadie snorted derisively: "Well, I will judge for myself whether you are 
cheap-shotting your readers, shilling for that Irish Greek O'Hara -- that smoothy 
Vaselinis guy -- or whatever the hell his name is. Anyway, I don't see what it is you 
jerks taste in wine that makes you so adolescently go ga-ga…ape (expletive 
deleted)… bananas bonkers."

Sadie sipped and savored…swallowed; sipped and savored again… 
swallowed: "We-e-e-e-e-el, sweet stuff like that German Outlazy wine from their 
special picked out grapes. I guess maybe I would shell out the twelve bucks-and-
change for a bottle, but the dazed out nut case here (pointing to Phyl) will probably 
buy a few bottles and I will get to taste it for free."

Entrée #1: Baked Red Snapper, basted with lemon and tomato sauce on a bed 
of red and yellow squash, asparagus and carrots. The moist, tender, tasty generous 
portion of fish had some tables with beside themselves euphoric members 
congratulating Chris, the plate, the tableware, the waitstaff, the Red Sox, the Patriots; 
diners at other tables high-fived one another; at our table we were more genteel; we 
nodded and acknowledged among ourselves that the presentation and preparation 
of the Snapper were exceptionally gourmet.

The paired wine of "unwooded" Trevor Jones Virgin Chardonnay 2003, 
$12.79, offered a chewy mouth feel with flavors reminiscent of herbs, apples, 
pineapple, and papaya. Poured, however, after we had tasted the sweet Boots White, 
the Virgin Chardonnay seemed unduly dry and sharp and required some palate 
adjustment.

The Red Snapper's exquisite flavors, fortunately, helped return the wine to 
accepted chardonnay normalcy. The combination was pleasing, but most of the 
favorable comments made were about the fish. Price value: 100/100.

Entrée #2: Sauteed Veal Medallion prepared with cumin, oregano, olive orzo 
and tomato salsa was matched with RBJ Vox Populi 2001, $9.59, vinified from 100- 
percent Grenache grape. And again, the Webster House's knights of kitchen 
commanded by Sir John Hammerstrom prepared a dish of tender tasty complexity. 
So large was the portion that I had it boxed for take home and next night's 
dinner…and next night it did replicate my pleasure of the previous evening.

The Grenache Vox Populi offered an intense waft of pomegranate on the nose, 
good fruit on the palate, decent balance and robust aftertaste; but when I said I 
wished that the wine had more fruit acid bite for zest and verve, Sadie snarled at me: 
"You are always boasting how you and your other geeky wino friends massage the 
food and wine at trial tastings. So how come you are now whining about the lack of 
acid in the wine?"

I replied that I had been ill and couldn't attend, and that my "geeky wino friend" 
Dr. Bob Ouellette had been basking in the Florida sun, so she should sizzle the 
"smoothy Vaselinis guy" and forlorn Chris with her blistering blame. I added that I 
rated the wine 125/100 for $9.59 price value.

She was still muttering at me; then said aloud that we should observe that 
Fainting Phyl was remaining stiffly upright as she was sipping the wine, not 
swooning – didn't that tell us something?

Torchy told her to "cool it" and took me aside to suggest that I ignore "that 
disagreeable, revolting old broad." She added that Sadie "deserved a swift kick in 
the ass."

Entrée #3: Mustard Crusted Roast Rack of Lamb (three tender chops), served 
with potato, sauteed onions, green beans and a delicate finely chopped vegetables/ 
red pepper seasoning. D…licious! My appetite now satisfied and my capacity 
exceeded from having consumed every shed and particle of food previously served, 
I should have taken the lamb home for future enjoyment. But its aromas and flavors 
were irresistible, so I disdained caution and…and -- sob! sob! – I…ate 
the…whoooole…thing.

The accompanying wines were Marquis Philips Cabernet Sauvignon 2003, 
$15.99, and Paringa Shiraz 2003, $9.59.

The cab was…EXCEPTIONAL! One of the best non-Bordeaux cabs I have ever 
tasted. I price-valued it at 200/100, the first time I have doubled quality over price, 
pleasure to price. At my age of near to 90, I didn't need to buy any more wine, but I 
bought six. 

Pandemonium:

"Ohhhhhhh! I am blessed, I am undone; I am exalted; I am overcome with 
heaven sent flavors." Fainting Phyl was reeling wildly, about to go down, her wine 
glass with the cab dangerously at her lips.

"Ye gad! Am I in sipping in heaven, or am I euphoric in hell, or am I merely 
fortune's fool? And to think that I have decried the ecstasy conferred by this glorious 
spirit of wine!" Sadie was staggering, her knees buckling.

Torchy screamed, "Julian, they've both got the vapors! You catch the bosomy 
broad and I'll grab the nut case!"

Now, Sadie is a 200 pound, six-footer. So down I went with her; on top of her 
yet. It was not my most sexually ecstatic, exalted experience. After I hurriedly sprang 
from her not-so-titillating bosomy charms, Torchy and I were convulsed with 
laughter: Sadie who earlier had much to criticize about the joyous effect wine has on 
devoted oenophiles – "geeks" to her – plunked down to the floor for the count of 10.

Chris, dismayed, frightened, excited, yelled to Jim Vasiliadis: "Call in the 
Marines! No, I mean 91l! No, I mean Jo-Ann Woupio to hurry up with two wet towels!" 
Jo-Ann arrived immediately with the towels and a pitcher of cold water. With a look at 
each of the two recumbents, she poured the water onto their faces. They were 
quickly revived. Phyl's savvy comments about the cab are included in my notes.

Notes on the Cabernet Sauvignon: "still young and raw, but sensational; big, 
robust, overwhelming intense fruit varieties – grip of cherries, berries, raspberries; 
mint, cedar, hints of tobacco, leather; balancing black pepper, tannin; affirmative 
swallow, lingering assertive aftertaste. Oh, to be around to taste again in five years 
when the cab has added maturity. Price value: 200/100."

Poor Paringa Shiraz had the misfortune to be paired with the cab as escort to 
the lamb. Although an excellent value, it is dwarfed by the cab; in this instance it 
would better if paired with a wine of its kind; here, it is minor league quality 
compared to the major league Marquis Philips cab. 

My notes on the Paringa: "currants, raisins, spice, mint, black pepper; some 
tar, tobacco, wood; fundamentally, a delightful delicious wine; unfortunately, just 
overwhelmed by the cab's exceptional varieties of luscious fruit. Price value 125/100 
at $9.59."

Now came the test of my gastronomic mettle: Satiated already to my eyeballs 
with fare and drink, had I the fortitude to forgo Helena Liazos' renowned Chocolate 
Cheesecake with Chambord liqueur – chocolate crusted dark and white chocolate 
laced with Chambord, raspberry cream and fresh raspberries with a balancing 
smack of mint leaf?

Had I the fortitude to forgo it? The hell I did! I ate the entire portion and asked 
Chris for another piece. He refused, saying wisely that I would blame him – as I 
always did -- for the extra pounds I might put on.

My niece and nephew, David and Sandra Meltzer, said this wine dinner was 
the best they had attended at the Webster House.

Jim Baxter and Debra Knotek of Classic Wine Imports orchestrated the 
physical part of the dinner, with Debra charmingly discussing the wines with lucidity 
and knowledge. Both contributed the success of the dinner.

On Wednesday, April 20, 6 p.m., $65, the Webster House will celebrate its 70th 
Anniversary with a special wine dinner of pedigree South African wines. The winery 
representative from the Dark Continent to discuss his wines. Chris says the dinner 
should highlight the wine dinner season. Dr. Bob Ouellette, Jim Vasiliadis, Chris and 
I will do the trial dinner this coming Tuesday. I'll notify you about the food courses 
and wines matchup.

Wine Pick: Clos du Val Chardonnay 2003, $21-$22, flavor laden from 15-year-
old vines. This 14-percent alcohol delight, fermented in 100-percent in French oak 
barrels, offers aromas of rich complex tropical fruit, pear, and citrus with nuances of 
vanilla and butterscotch. Aromas transfer to the palate, delivering full body, graceful 
elegance, creamy entrance and ripe tropical fruit; finale is crisp, long and polished.

Wine Pick: Trinchero Winery Reserve Meritage 2002, $45. Here's the REAL 
thing, rivals Bordeaux at its best; a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Cabernet Franc 
and Petite Verdot, it offers aromas of vanilla, cream, blueberries and cassis, with 
notes of cocoa and white pepper. These are repeated on the palate: full-bodied with 
layers of blackberry, cherry, cedar and spice; viscous and complex, the wine lingers 
long in the mouth, accenting it with firm tannin. A super wine!

Wine Pick: Victor Hugo "Hunchback" 2002, $11.99, is coming to Mass. Liquors 
on Chandler St., near June, by mid-April. A blend of 50 percent Cabernet Franc, 31 
Merlot and 19 Cabernet Sauvignon, this meritage triumph was a standout at a recent 
Victor Hugo wines tasting with its abundance of fruit in aromas and flavors. I eagerly 
ordered six bottles from Wendy Leo; I suggest that my readers do likewise. Price 
value: 150/100 at $11.99.

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julian@oxfordwineroom.com