Beguine The Big-ame

by Julian Schultz
julian@oxfordwineroom.com

                     

If song meister Cole Porter had feasted on the Webster House's big game and big wines dinner, he might have changed his universally popular, "Beguine the Beguine," to "Beguine the Big-ame." Sorry, this is not about big, big game dinosaurs, elephants, rhinos, crocs, boas, gorillas, 'gators. It's about little big game.

Eleven thirsty eager oenophiles, wine scribbling pundits, and salivating gourmets said they banged and hollered at the restaurant's door and pleaded with Chris Liazos -- a few on bended knee -- to somehow squeeze them into the expected sold out function room. This is what they told me.

"So what if we crowd you at each table," they said. "We have always contended that food and wine lovers are compassionate people and wouldn't mind some discomfort if we might contribute to the spirit of Lucullus (food) and Bacchus (wine) to give pleasure to all deserving humans."

Their unruly behavior and soulful entreaties were unnecessary. The game dinner was not completely sold out, as it was last year. It might have been the unrelenting descending snow that covered the streets making them perilously slippery; perhaps the idea of chewing on poor helpless Easter bunny rabbit and masticating on ugly-faced ostrich's flesh was not acceptable to mind and palate. Whatever...there was enough room for them and other deserving humans to enjoy the exquisitely prepared unusual dinner.

Whether or not vivacious golden blond, Incendiary Cindy, and awkward shy diminutive, Tinkledown Tremblechin, were "deserving humans" became a matter of conjecture. 

I met them while we sipped the reception wine of Cline Red Truck White 2003, $6.99, (special 20-percent discount price on all wines listed) and munched on Herkimer blue cheese with almonds, smoked Gouda with sun dried tomatoes and Cabot sharp Cheddar with tomato and basil, red and green apples slices, and a variety of crackers.

The wine is among the BEST bargains I have ever tasted: a blend of Roussane, Marsanne, Viognier, and Sauvignon Blanc, the Red Truck White's aromas and flavors of apricot, melon, herbs and fresh, crisp, dry, refreshing, sweet-edged/fruit acidity balance elicited what appeared to be our unanimous ordering of the wine. 

Cindy introduced herself with subtle shoulder shakes, saucy come-hither eyes and smiling pearly whites. I said, "This must be your first time at a Webster House wine dinner, my not having seen you here before."

She replied with thespian intonation, looking scornfully at Tinkledown, "He...who made the generous gift of this dinner...shall be...without name."

Tinkledown winced and hung his head.

Dear friend, Chastity Kugle, took me aside: "I couldn't help but notice how intently you are focusing on her derriere, its rhythmic undulating sexual sway. You are looking too hard. Don't be a voyeur! Don't you think you're a little too old for such unseemly staring?"

"Not really," I muttered. "My head may be gray and cold, but there is still glow and fire down below."

Chastity, laughingly: "You should be ashamed of yourself. It's unseemly for you, for you who usually comports yourself with class."

I winced and hung my head.

As Cindy sipped the wine and supped on the cheese and apples, she addressed Tinkledown: "Eat! Drink! Be merry! Cheese, apples and wine are said to be a healthy diet for flagging libidos. So you need to indulge with rapacious appetite and rapturous enthusiasm."

Tinkledown groaned and hung his head.

Chris brought them to our table to join us. Proudly provocative with considerable cleavage exposed in her partially zipped down clinging black sheath mini gown - all fore and aft of her protruding in rounded perfection -- she put the joy of life and desire into our guys, who couldn't restrain their heavy breathing and awed ogling. 

Grim faced wives glared as their husbands ignored them and cavalierly gave attention to Cindy, who responded coquettishly with shoulder shimmy shakes and winked with "wouldn't you just like to?" eyes.

Tinkledown groaned and hung his head.

Followed next, rabbit stew: thick, tender, generous pieces in a delicious spiced/herbed broth made with shallots, white wine, tomatoes and mushrooms; Cline Zinfandel 2002, $7.99, produced from 80-year-old vines, played consort. The pairing was perfection and added flavor to the stew; likewise, it was enhanced by the flavors of the stew.

My notes on the zin: "straightforward, uncomplicated, full-fruited strong berry/cherry nose transfers to the palate, joins sweet-edged lingering fruit of raspberry and light pepper, spice, vanilla, oak, balancing fruit acids and soft tannin; culminates in a lush berry/cherry swallow and long aftertaste. Elegant wine at poverty price!"

Cindy leaned over to Tinkledown: "You know how fecund rabbits are? They breed incessantly because their helpmates have the virile staying power...and without the aid of Viagra or Levitra. I'll ask Chris to serve you another bowl of the rabbit stew. It might help you."

"What does 'fecund' mean? Tinkledown asked, looking around apprehensively.

"Prolific! Fertile! Female rabbits are always able to produce babies, thanks to their virile males."

Tinkledown sighed and hung his head.

First course: As tasty and tender a poached wild salmon as I have ever eaten, with Champagne sauce, wild rice, frisée greens and sliced lemon, was accompanied by Cline Syrah (blended lightly with Mourvedre, Carignane, and Grenache) 2002, $7.99, must have come from gourmet heaven -- from guest chef Rob Saunders and Webster House chef John Hammerstrom's gourmet heavenly kitchen. 

The tender full-flavored salmon, rendered uniquely complex by the innovative sauce, evoked murmurs of pleasure. Alternatively, eating the salmon and sipping the Syrah, I was wishing my pleasure with the combination would never end. 

My notes: "jammy lush fruit! fruit! fruit! fruit! flavors of layered cherry, blueberry, raisins, spice, black pepper, nuances of tar and tobacco; supple soft tannin and zesty fruit acids result in delicious wine... at a price quality value in the stratosphere."

I could no longer resist these wine bargains of the century. My wine cellar will outlive my approaching age 90, but I ordered an assorted full case of these Cline wines. Were I younger, I would have ordered two or three. So, my friends, unless you hate yourself, get on the phone and call the Irish Greek, Jim Vasiliadis of O'Hara's Liquors, and do as I did: 508-853-1919.

Second course: roast ostrich tenderloin medallions with buttered Gorgonzola cheese, grilled sweet red peppers, yellow and green squash. Cline Ancient Vines Carignane 2002, $12.79, produced from 80- and 125-year-old vines, blissfully married the somewhat chewy, stringy, ugly-faced ostrich. The ostrich was certainly edible enough, but not incredible enough. The Carignane rescued it from its shortcomings.

My notes: "soft nose, fruit rich with big plums, berries, cherries; spice, cedar, nutmeg, clove"; 15 percent alcohol; Gold Medal in 2004

Recklessly leaping from her chair, abrasively scraping the floor, Cindy sought- and gained attention by wiggling here, jiggling there, pumping her arm in triumph, and shouting an uninhibited, "Yeah! Yeah! How about this voluptuous matchup of ecstasy and excitement?"

Chastity's husband, Moralsar Safer, asked, "What's with 'voluptuous?' Somehow I can't imagine a bone-y footed ugly ostrich as being voluptuous. Yes, I agree the Carignane is excellent and exciting but it hardly engenders ecstasy that is the ultimate progression from your prurient voluptuousness."

Scathingly, Cindy replied, "Voluptuousness is a gal thing! Men like you haven't the remotest inkling about the heights of ecstasy a vibrant voluptuous woman can bring to a male...except in my limp Tinkledown here."

Moralsar started to expound that all women aren't voluptuous just as all wines aren't either. Chastity told him to cool it - not to become a verbal playmate with Cindy.

I tried to bail out Moralsar; I added that "voluptuous" is just another of wines' purple prose descriptors, a facetious colorful nonsense word that adds to wines' mystique, but not to its flavor.

Cindy: "I'm slightly bewildered, more so annoyed, even a little angry. This experience tonight shoves me into a strange new world. You presumably normal people act more strangely - like nutty fruitcakes -- as you consume more wine." 

With a shake-shake here, and a jiggle-jiggle there, and a wiggle-wiggle here and there, and all of her in shake, shimmy, wiggle and jiggle, she continued: "I choose to uphold my 'voluptuous.' And you libido bereft men...suck!"

Tinkledown groaned and hung his head.

Third course: pan seared venison steak deliciously smacked with brandy and completed with Yukon gold potato and young carrots. Two wines produced from old vines - flavors are more intense from small grape yields produced by old vines -- heightened the decibel level throughout the function room as we sipped ecstatically, excitedly, exuberantly and compared each wine with the venison.

My first cut, first bite, first chew, first swallow, and my fears were allayed. The gamy venison was acceptably tender to the tooth and friendly flavored to the full. Game needs an imaginative, artistic and experienced hand of a master chef to keep it from tasting dry and tough. But with the two accompanying wines, the major entrée was a gastronomical success. 

The wines: Cline Ancient Vines Zinfandel 2003, $11.99, from 125-year-old vines, and Cline Ancient Vines Mourvedre 2003, $11.99, from 80-year-old vines. "Yes," I said, "both wines are ascending to the plateau of optimum drinkability. With seven to 10 years aging both wines will have achieved a complexity and flavor wisdom and will deliver a mature message of pleasure."

That was too much for Cindy. Her baby browns saucer round, her waspish tongue stinging sharp, she protested: "I'm sorry. But I don't know what the hell you idiots are talking about: 'What wisdom?' 'What plateau?' 'What optimum drinkability?' Is that more of your 'purple prose, your verbal nonsense wine mystique?' Don't bother to answer; I'm not interested!"

Tinkledown, his face in pain, hung his head.

"This wine is the piece de resistance," I blurted, as I sipped on the dark red Zinfandel, and unable to contain myself, I added, "The bouquet leaps from the glass and playfully tweaks my nose. Oh, I sniff and -- oh ho! -- I am enveloped with aromas and flavors of raspberries, blackberries, spice, white pepper, with some coffee, chocolate, caramel - just now! - emerging tar and raisins. Viscous, chewy, balanced, soft smooth swallow and forever farewell, I am like to kneel and express deified devotion to this gem of a wine." 15 percent alcohol; Gold Medal in 2004.

"Unadulterated bull....!" Cindy's anger exploded. "Just another example of your 'purple prose.' "

Tinkledown groaned and hung his head.

The Mourvedre wasn't far behind the zin in its multi-layered aromas and flavors. I heard a number descriptors, many diametrically different from mine, but all favorable. 

I delivered my assessment of the wine, lauding its "intermingled, layered, emerging admirable aromas and palate-pulsating flavors of plum, strawberries, cherries, black currents, oak, with in-and-out nuances of chocolate, mint, leather and game that are representative of the Rhone." 14.5 percent alcohol; three Silver Medals in 2004.

Cindy, her face clouded dark with rage, slowly rose from her chair and stabbed her finger at me: "I think you are a frustrated two-bit would-be writer who uses colorful, incomprehensible language to pull our legs. Well, you had better keep your cottin' pickin' hands off mine if you want to avoid a smack on the kisser! I loved the food, the wines tasted great with it; everything was great...but...not...you!"

Tinkledown leaped from his chair, all 5 foot 3 of him rigidly erect; his eyes blazing, he banged the table! "Incendiary, shut...up! You... just... shut... your... mouth and zip up your titillating bosom-bulging gown, too! I've had all I can stomach of you this evening. I'm about ready to throw you out of your plush apartment, take away your pretentious Porsche and discontinue your generous allowance. And you can return to the streets and peddle your soft goods!"

"Y...ye...ye...yes, yes, Tinkle dear." Cindy the Incendiary, her fire abruptly doused, hastily zipped up the front of her gown... 

and embarrassedly hung her face. We heard no more from her. Not even a responsive goodnight to my fond farewell. Tinkledown apologized for her and shook hands all around with tablemates.

Once again, Helena Liazos capped a Webster House wine dinner in triumph with a tour de force dessert: light, tasty, southern pecan bread pudding with a bourbon sauce infusion and whipped cream that had a number of us asking if we could buy another serving for take home. One guest compared it to a rich paté, only more delicious...superb.

Accolades for waitress Patti Thomas and for chefs Saunders and Hammerstrom. And more fervent accolades for Chris' behind the scenes wine dinner associate/partner and death to diets dessert chef, Helena Liazos.

Extra special accolades for Classic Wines rep, Bill Schuler, who discussed the wines with cadenced, comprehensible articulation. Intermittently he would leave his food half-eaten to speak individually to guests. Yes, he was content to return to his now cold food, pleased that he added knowledge to guests about his Cline wines. Great job, Bill!

Mark it down - no, better reserve now. Last year February was a sellout: Valentine Day "chocolate" wine dinner. Many of us had requested that Chris repeat last year's Valentine Day wine dinner this year with a different menu and wines for variation. Wednesday, February 16, 6 p.m. Phone number 508-757-7208.

Wine Pick: Stephen Ross "Edna Ranch" Pinot Noir 2001 (or any vintage-his style is always firmly in place!) $32. Enjoy aromas and flavors of cherries and plums with sufficient tannins to ensure longevity. Some tasters discerned raspberries on the nose and palate. Excellent balance, assertive swallow and long aftertaste; the wine easily justifies its price.

Wine Pick: Trinchero "Family Selection" Merlot or Cabernet Sauvignon 2002 $12. Here are wines to brag about because they taste so good and have palate and pocket pleasing price value. Sniff and taste currants, mint, cedar, black pepper; other tasters reported "chocolate," "blackberries," "hints of leather."

  Email Comments to Julian at:
julian@oxfordwineroom.com