by Julian Schultz
julian@oxfordwineroom.com
Bennie the Bumbler stumblered (sic) into the Castle to attend Jim Nicas’ monthly
Sunday afternoon wine tasting: the wines of Long Island.
“Wines of Long Island!” You exclaim, scoffing. “Has Jim sunk so soft in skull?”
I’ll answer for Jim: “Jim courageously exposed biased Francophiles, Americano-philes,
Spaino-philes, Italiano-philes, Germano-philes, office files, rank and files to
a new experience in wine tasting. Those of you who chickened-out on the tasting
because you lacked faith – for shame! The wines soared in superb sipping!”
Back to Bennie: Yes, Bennie the Bumbler unfortunately is a stumbler. During our
college years at Clark University his gait was uncertain along the corridors;
sometimes he grabbed the walls to keep from falling; other times he reeled and
clutched my arm. In the classroom, however, his mentality was prodigious and
upright on: In many areas and in details of the subject he knew more than the
professors.
We belittled him Bennie the Bumbler because he spoke so rapidly that his words
usually overran one another and were often incoherent; embarrassed we constantly
asked him to repeat. He would smile sympathetically at our embarrassment:
“Please don’t be inhibited about asking me to repeat. My problem is that I am
thinking far ahead of what I am saying and I am hurrying to catch up to myself.”
I hadn’t seen Bennie since our 50th reunion in 1989. I asked Jim Nicas, how come
Bennie was here. Jim answered, chuckling: “He knows more about you and your
goings-on than you know about yourself. He reads your wine columns on the www.
oxford wine room. com website…He called and asked if you were attending.”
I grimaced and said that he would disturb my note taking with his reminiscing.
All old Clarkies enjoy wallowing in nostalgia, in reminiscing about our
sadly-forever-departed, once-upon-a-time carefree life on the campus…and about
those glorious hours in the ancient classrooms…and the golden autumn afternoons
when we crinkled the brown and yellow leaves underfoot on our way to the
library.
Jim reassured me not to worry: He was attending with his wife, Bangda Boys
Bertha, who would warrant all his attention.
Jim added: “And Julian I suggest you refrain from your trying to play the
romantic, cavalier Four Musketeers with her -- all four of them at the same
time. You don’t have your Errol Flynn’s youthful swashbuckling swordsmanship
thrust anymore. Your days of youth and glory are nevermore. So concentrate on
your being a furrow-browed, swashbuckling, mentally probing, Single Palateer,
which befits more your venerable age. (Thank…you…very…much, Jim.)
Thus humbled I turned to the first of the 17 wines that Jim poured: the Blanc de
Blanc multi-vintage sparkling white wine from Pugliese Vineyards, $19.99.
Sen-sa-tion-al! I rated it 20 – Loved It -- on a scale from 0 to 20 on the
Hedonic Scale.
My notes: “sweet edge, immense fruit, apples, melon, crisp, clean, lingering.”
The Hedonic Scale: We rate subjectively by pleasure, Sight, Smell, Savor,
Swallow, Balance. We give our non-technical reasons why either we Hate It 0 - 3,
Dislike It 4 - 7, Accept It 8 - 13, Like It 14 - 17, Love It 18 -20.
As I sipped the Blanc de Blanc, I observed Bennie hurrying to the hors d’oeuvres
table to fill his dish with each of the three cheese varieties – blue-veined,
Muenster, Cheddar -- and a sampling of the oven-hot baguettes, varied crackers
and fresh fruits.
Exultantly he returned to the pouring table munching away on the food as he
proffered his wine glass to Jim. Grandiosely, he sighted, swirled, sniffed,
savored, spoke. Bennie has a superior palate, but never could I quite understand
his descriptors and evaluations:
He spoke mostly in metaphors and similes, or spoke weird, like when he said to
my guest, The Admirable Arline McGoldrick, golden of tress, frivolous of eye,
coquettish of smile: “This Blanc de Blanc’s effervescent vitality leaves little
to be desired; happily it is not effete like a flaccid boy coddled by spinster
aunts. Should Jim refuse my importunes for a re-pour, then better for my solace
were it that I should nibble on your dear ear.”
“You try nibbling on my ear, and you’ll be kissing the floor on your rounded
rear,” Arline said ominously.
Bennie, gape-mouthed, scuttled away and immediately poured his wine perceptions
into the ears of glazed-eyed Virginia and Mike Ursin who soon looked around
helplessly, their seeking safe havens of refuge.
Bennie’s the guy I write about in my report of our 50th Clark reunion, the
classmate who made an indelible imprint on the memories of students in our
Sociology course: After a three-hour, extended to three-sessions, titillating
discussion of his semester-long research paper on prostitution – its sex
variations and posture formations -- throughout the world, he triumphantly
announced:
“After my thorough and detailed findings from America to Antarctica, China to
Chalupa, Greece to Greenland, India to Istanbul; from Jamaica to Japan, Mexico
to Morocco, Verona to Venice; from most globe encircling countries, I am
unreservedly convinced that – lend me your ears my naïve confreres --
that…that…that…
SEX…IS…HERE…TO…STAY!”
Despite his jaw-dropping conclusion, which had Dr. Kingsley Davis doubled up on
his knees, Bennie, as I said before, was brilliant. He earned a Ph.D in
Sociology at 23, was professor/chair of the Sociology department at a large
Western College.
His unfathomable critique of the wines must have been disconcerting to everyone
within earshot, judging by how quickly that scattered in all directions after a
few minutes in his company.
My usually friendly compatriots were critical of me, their having believed that
I had invited him. Late-comers Francis Ford and his guest, the comely Sue
Giacopello who added sparkle and glow to the tasting, joined Swisher Sweeny,
Bennie, his wife Bangda Boys Bertha, Arline and me in evaluating the second Long
Island wine: Riesling Martha Clara 2004, $14.99.
Bennie: “Fair Martha’s Riesling is neither fair nor an example of the revered
German Riesling, but tastes of wet cardboard, sooty mineral, sullen earth and is
disappointingly unusual. Might I assume that Fair Martha sought to take revenge
on that devil Hitler by applying the German grape name to her wine?”
I agreed with his negative perception, but was mystified by his reference to
Hitler who was infinitely worse. I rated it 3 – Hate It - on scale of 0 to 3.
The white wines:
Potato Barn White Schneider Vineyards 1999, $14.99;
Sauvignon Blanc Channing Daughters 2005 $24.99;
I rated both wines 15 – Like It – on the scale of 14 to 17. Both wines offered
considerable fruit, were dry, crisp and clean; decided apple aroma and taste in
the Potato Barn; freshly cut grass and melon in the Sauvignon Blanc. The $24.99
price in the latter is excessive, however, in price quality value rating.
Chardonnay “Reserve Barrel Fermented” Macari 2000, $16.99, had Bennie gushing in
riotous rapture: “soft wine to dream over; bright as the jocund dawn, smooth as
the baby’s bottom; a world of complex shrubbery, fragrant oak from a newly
fallen tree, fruit as delicious as Adam’s apple from the Garden of Eden.
Fleeting only is the twilight of its aftertaste…fleeting like unbridled ecstasy
in the new bride’s bed it is spent too soon, alas, too soon, too soon.”
Swisher, wild-eyed, and Francis and Sue bolted to another tasting group, there
joining the Admirable Arline.
My notes: “crisp, dry, lush, fruit-acid and oak balanced, big and complex with
unremitting fruited bouquet and flavor. Rated 19 – Loved It – on scale of 18 to
20.”
Chardonnay “Gold Label” Lenz 2004, $19.99: “a pleasing crisp, clean, dry,
sweet-edged, non-Burgundy style chard with hints of apples, toast, nuts, autumn
grass; good sipping, will pair nicely with fish or chicken. Rated: 17 – Like It
– on a scale of 14 to 17.”
When I asked Bennie – how come he speaks in tumid ode and turgid stanza, he said
he usually, unfortunately, tastes with inarticulate, inexperienced wine bores:
“They use lackluster wine descriptors and vacuous expressions and irrelevant
technical statistics, so I must resort to evaluating wines flamboyantly,
unconventionally -- to reduce my wine boredom.”
Snickering, he addressed me: “Julian, yes, you are indeed articulate,
experienced, I’ll gainsay you that, but you are a monumental wine bore. I’ll
wager you even bore yourself.”
Arline turned to me: “Julian, I believe I and others here would prefer to listen
to your evaluations instead of those from this impossible bore.”
“To refer to him as an impossible bore is an understatement,” I said, now
nettled from his having called me a bore. “His has a brilliance that overleaps
itself and falls upon stupidity. “I shall engage Bennie’s convoluted
pontifications with my counterpoint perceptions of the wines’ pleasures.”
The Admirable one: “Hummph! You’re beginning to sound more like Bennie than
Bennie does of himself.”
Oh well, back to the tasting. As the 23 palateers paraded down the long table of
17 wines, Jim discussed the novelty and excellence of Long Island wines and
their unfortunate lack of proper recognition and respect.
The red wines:
Main Road Red Bedell Cellars Lot # ’03-‘04, $9.99; food fruit, more like a rosé.
Rating: 4 – Dislike It – on a scale of 4 to 7.”
Pinot Noir Castello di Borghese 2002 Hargrove Vineyard,
$26.99. Bennie rushed up to Jim who was speaking with me: “Quickly, quickly,
hurry! Fetch me a dish of crisp pippins and nutty Cheddar that I may with wit
conscientiously evaluate and express due respect for this magnificent Pinot
Noir, worthy of wearing the red velvet crown of the noble Burgundy!”
Jim had Joyce bring both to Bennie.
My notes: “outstanding! Multi-flavored cherries, raisins, blackberries, dried
leaves, toasty oak, nuance of leather; beautifully balanced with soft tannins,
smooth velvet texture” -- I swallowed here, not dry swallowed – “lush smooth
swallow, long fruited aftertaste. Rating 20 – Love It – on scale of 18 to 20.”
Merlot Pindar 2000, $13.99; rated 16 – Like It – on scale of 14 to 17;
Cabernet Franc Broadfields 2001, $16.99; rated 17 – Like It.
Both wines offered good forthcoming fruit, good acid balance; Pindar firm
tannins; Broadfields soft tannins.
Merlot Osprey’s Dominion vineyards 2000, $15.99; rated 20 – Love It – on scale
of 18 to 20;
Merlot “Reserve” Lieb Family Cellars 2001, $19.99; rated it 19 – Love It.
Both wines projected immense fruit that hugged the palate – plums, cherries,
berries – oak, pepper, cedar; beautifully balanced, lingering, smooth texture,
soft tannins. The $4.00 price advantage accounts for the one point higher
Osprey’s rating.
Cabernet Franc Reserve Palmer 2000, $24.99:
Bennie approached me excitedly, sniffing his wine: “Now… is the autumn of my
delight made glorious afternoon tasting by the aromas of this wine that rise in
the glass like the glowing moon in its nightly orb! If I had a thousand sons,
the first humane principle I would teach them should be to forswear other thin
Cabernet Francs and addict themselves to this robust Palmer Cabernet Franc
Reserve. So what say you, my valued friend?”
“Yes,” I said, “the bouquet introduces the delightful flavors of this wine:
pristine, elegant, albeit reserved, haughty but not arrogant, comfortable to
sophisticated palates. Well worth the money…but not your cockamamie
Shakespearian allusions.”
My rating: 19 – Love It – on scale of 18 to 20.
Bennie, glowing, “Thank you, my friend. Thank you greatly. I…own…this…winery! I
invested in vineyards and wine shops after leaving academia.”
Cabernet Franc Castello di Borghese 2001 Hargrove
Vineyard, $16.99;
Cabernet Franc Jamesport Vineyards, $20.99;
I rated Hargrove 17 – Like It; Jamesport 16 – Like It.
My ratings were disputed: Arline insisted the Hargrove merited a 20; Francis and
Sue preferred the Jamesport; Bennie said the Palmer was better than both put
together.
Cabernet Sauvignon Galluccio Estate Gristina Vineyard
2000, $16.99: Like coming home to an old faithful friend…after tasting all the
Cabernet Francs and Merlots. I rated it 20 – Love It – perhaps from sentiment
although it tasted damn good! 200/100 price quality value.
Dessert wine:
Late Harvest Chardonnay Wolffer Estates 2004, $36, 375ml
½ Bottle. “Rich, luscious, pears, peaches, apricots, nicely acid balanced,
viscous; I ordered three bottles.
Only the Palmer and the Wolffer Late Harvest are available in Massachusetts; all
wines may be bought in Rhode Island.
Arline caught up with me as I was sipping the Merlot Pindar wine: “Hey, Julian,
Bertha’s been flutter-lid eying you for quite some time. Better you discourage
any advances from her. With a name like ‘Bangda Boys’ and her rounded up fronts
and rounded down back and curves in and out and here, there, and
everywhere…I…don’t…know. She may be too much for you.”
“Listen, Arline, Bennie is an old college classmate, and I have too much
integrity to permit myself to make time with his wife should she come on to
me…as any upstanding gentleman would do and as any fool could plainly see.”
“Baloney!” She waved her hand dismissively and walked away.
Cold hors d’oeuvres: Muenster, Cheddar, blue-veined cheese, varieties of fresh
fruits – three different flavored grapes, cantaloupe, pineapple -- and toast
rounds and varied crackers.
Hot hors d’oeuvres: chicken kabobs, turkey kabobs, crab cakes with light tarter
sauce, and oven-hot baguettes.
Wine Pick: Trinchero Reserve Vista Montone Chardonnay
2005, $25. Assertive imposing with ripe apple, lemony citrus, toasty oak and nut
flavors, smooth viscous swallow and long aftertaste. It’s Chardonnay at its
best.
Wine Pick: Lois M. Martini Cabernet Sauvignon 2003, $25. Cedary oak aromas,
currants and cherries; flavors of ripe plums. chocolate, tobacco integrate with
oak nuances; velvety swallow and sustained aftertaste. Superb drinking now.
Email Comments to Julian at:
julian@oxfordwineroom.com